The Uncomfortable Truth About Control (And the Surprising Strength in Letting Go)
We are marinated in a culture that worships control.
Control your calendar until it screams.
Control your emotions like a volcano under lockdown.
Control your brand, your tone, your inbox, your five-year vision board.
The modern myth promises:
“If you just control enough, you’ll finally be safe. You’ll finally win.”
But here’s the truth your body already knows:
The tighter you grip, the faster life, love, and clarity slip through your fingers.
Control Isn’t Power, It’s a Fear Reflex
Look around:
✹ Leaders micromanage “for excellence” and suffocate trust.
✹ Parents cling tighter and watch their children pull away.
✹ Founders obsess over precision and smother the creativity they need to grow.
✹ Control seduces because it offers the illusion of certainty.
But beneath the spreadsheets, the striving, the steel-wrapped plans is always the same thing:
Fear.
Fear of chaos.
Fear of loss.
Fear of not being enough.
And the paradox?
The more we tighten, the more unstable things become.
The more we try to master everything, the more life slips out from under us.
Admitting this isn’t weakness.
It’s the doorway to something better.
What the Tao Te Ching Reveals About Real Strength
Laozi doesn’t shout. He whispers:
“The world is a sacred vessel.
It cannot be controlled.
Try to shape it, and you will ruin it.
Try to hold it, and you will lose it.”
—Tao Te Ching, Verse 29 (Chapter 7: “Stop Gripping So Hard” in The Strategy of No Strategy)
This isn’t mysticism.
It’s physics.
Gripping won’t save your project.
Clutching won’t keep love from leaving.
Forcing clarity won’t un-fog your mind—it just stirs more mud.
The Tao doesn’t preach surrender.
It teaches alignment; the art of moving with what already moves.
The Moment My Grip Almost Killed Me
It happened during a solo paragliding flight over Queenstown, New Zealand.
A sudden gust hit me mid-air.
The glider twisted. The wind surged. My fear surged harder.
I did what anyone would do:
I pulled both brakes. Hard.
And the wing collapsed.
The glider stalled. Twisted.
The earth spun toward me in a blur.
Then, over the radio:
“Loosen your grip. Hands up. Let the glider fly.”
It went against every instinct.
But I obeyed.
I raised my hands.
And the wing caught the air.
The glider steadied. The spin stopped.
I didn’t wrestle control back.
I got out of the way.
And the design—the deeper intelligence—took over.
My need to control almost killed me.
Letting go saved my life.
What Letting Go Actually Means
Letting go is not collapse.
It’s calibration.
It’s not apathy.
It’s precision.
It’s not giving up.
It’s trusting rhythm. Yours, and the world’s.
When you loosen your grip, even slightly:
Your nervous system resets
Your leadership deepens quietly, powerfully
Your relationships breathe again
Your inner compass turns back on. Finally audible beneath the static
This isn’t a concept.
It’s a practice.
A power move in disguise.
Try This Today: The Gentle Art of Releasing
Body Scan
Where are you holding tension? Jaw, shoulders, gut? Soften one place.
Decision Check
Before your next choice, ask: “Am I acting from fear or from clarity?”
One-Hour Release
Step away from something you’re gripping. Just for an hour.
Watch what unfolds when you don’t force it.
Let go. Just enough.
Then watch what begins to move, settle, or return.
Ready to Trade Strain for Strength?
Read The Strategy of No Strategy. The Taoist guide to living not by control, but by clarity, rhythm, and real power.
Inside, you’ll learn how to:
✹ Release effort without collapsing
✹ Lead with stillness, not strain
✹ Act with precision, not panic
✹ Move like water. Present, adaptive, and unstoppable
Let Go Without Losing Power.
Know someone white-knuckling their way through life?
Share this. Tag them gently.
The Tao is already waiting.
